bottoms up

by MrsFatass on October 9, 2017

It’s been about 6 months since my flurry of doctor’s appointments, tests, and follow ups that lead me to my diagnosis of advanced adrenal fatigue. Through the process I learned that my thyroid is pronounced and full of nodules, that I have all the symptoms of fibromyalgia except for one – nerve pain, that my cortisol levels were such that I was tested for Addison’s disease, and that I was getting the REM sleep that was minimally necessary to basically keep me from going insane.

Those were good times.

Among the treatments and supplements and dietary changes that became part of my “healing regimen” was a whole lot of conversation about eliminating stress, which is kind of laughable because who can do THAT? Some of highlights of the last couple years included dissolving my business partnership and closing the studio doors, having a death in the family, moving from North Carolina to Florida…

I developed a method of just handling one thing at a time. No more multitasking. Just making a list and going down point by point, one thing at a time. Pack the house. Reserve the U Haul. Find movers. Forward the mail.

Check. Check. Check.

And I kept telling myself to just do what I could to treat my condition, and once we were settled I could really “buckle down.” I kept up with the “easy” things as best I could. Take my supplements. Put my screens down. Turn off the TV. Diffuse the oils. Sleep as much as I possibly could. Meditate. Meditate. Meditate.

And, of course, there was The Great Purge, which I am pretty sure was the best stress reliever of all.  I haven’t written as in depth as I would like to about that process, and I don’t really know if I can, at least not as openly and honestly as I’d want to be. But what started with organizing junk drawers and shredding old bills turned into getting rid of any tangible material item with bad vibes. And the more I did, the deeper I went. I cleaned out my contacts. I unfriended, and in the occasional case, I blocked. I cleaned out my email account and my phone, and organized just one file on my desktop of correspondences I was advised to keep for a period of time. I unsubscribed like crazy, too, and now I keep my inbox totally clean.

The Purge has culminated in getting stuff off my chest and out of my heart. So many times I held my tongue, or was “diplomatic” for the sake of business or mutual friendships because I thought that being positive or Godly or “letting things go” meant being passive and staying quiet to “be the bigger person”, but you know what? It’s hard to release things when you don’t speak them. So I have been talking, sharing, and also just plain old answering questions with my truth.

The other day I watched a doctor lecture online about Adrenal Fatigue, and he talked about how stress was cumulative. It’s like water being poured in a glass. It makes sense to me now that as I work through things that led to my crash, some of what comes up is from what I thought was in the rear view. But also? If it’s from the past, then that means I’m getting to the bottom of the glass.  

Which leads me to the point of this post. You knew I’d get here eventually, right?

Well. We’re here. In our new home. Getting settled. Thing One occasionally asks me how my “health” is going. And we talk it over.

I realized a few things.

I realized that I was spending less time in bed and more time in the living room.

I realized that I was cooking dinner.

I realized that I was taking fewer naps and that I was having more dreams.

I realized that I wasn’t feeling hopeless about my recovery, or on the verge of panicking.

I realized that I was feeling better!

I’ve begun to tackle the another pillar: FOOD. By eliminating (most) inflammatory foods (most of the time), joining a few Keto groups on Facebook, and going back to tracking my macros, I have added to my energy level and decreased even more inflammation. And I’ve begun to add 10 minutes of cardio. Just 10. Me and my jumprope.

And then I tentatively, quietly, privately unpacked my scale and stood on it.

Two weeks later, I did it again. And this happened.

I’m not trying to get to hung up on the weight loss, because who knows? It may mean my body is beginning to come out of survival mode, it may not. I know that reversing all of this and losing weight is a long slow process, and I keep reminding myself that it took me years to get in this condition, so it may take years to get out of it.

But it is beginning to feel like maybe I’m coming back to life, at the bottom of the glass, ready to refill it in a healthier, more positive way. 

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Geri Collard October 9, 2017 at 4:51 pm

“Looking For Susie”, By B.Cook, A favorite book when you were 4 years old.
You found her, and she is doing better. Give her a big hug from me.
Love always, Mrs.C


Lisa October 9, 2017 at 4:55 pm

Wow….this all speaks so much to me!! Cumulative stress is my middle name!!! So glad to hear it’s getting better for you! 🙂


Kirsten October 10, 2017 at 1:21 am

Congrats on the new home! A diagnosis can be debilitating or empowering. I’m glad you are finding a way to use it to self-care. Cuz you rock, obviously.



Thea October 10, 2017 at 4:49 pm

I’m so, so glad you are feeling better.


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