If we are Facebook friends (or if you’re in any service industry whatsoever that involves asking me the question “how are you?”) then you know that I have recently begun training for my first triathlon.
Yeah, I’ll just let that sink in for a minute.
I say it a lot. I tell everyone. Mostly because I’m trying to believe for myself that its really true. I’ve never wanted to do this before and I’m not even sure I still do, except that now I’m organizing a training club for 20 or so women, mostly first timers, so I’m in it up to my eyeballs.
And I do know that there are parts of it that I already love. I mean, aside from the shopping for clothes and shoes and gadgets. Just a few weeks in and I’ve already discovered that I love to ride the bike. I haven’t even gotten super hardcore yet, but I’m in love with cycling. And I also hate it because for the kind of riding I want to do, I don’t yet have the endurance and I don’t yet have the bike I need. And I’m impatient. And not made of money. But still. I do love to ride.
I also might love swimming. I’ve only had one practice so far, but it was a strong one. I have never been coached in the pool, and all I really knew going in was that I’m really good at floating on a raft or standing by the wall in the deep end with my friends drinking
a beer an ice water on a hot summer day. So I really had no idea what to expect when I jumped in for the first time. But I can roll and I can breathe and I’m kind of fast and I only came up choking once in the entire 45 minute lesson so I think I’m going to like that part too.
The run? Not so much. For about the 58th time I’m back to C25K. And back to hating every step. Not much more to be said there.
I have thought a lot about how I want to write about my journey to triathlete. I mean, like, what angle. Based on the name of this website we know that I’m, uh, robust. And that hasn’t really changed a whole lot. But really? Other people have already written the Fat Girl Tri story in amazing and uplifting and inspiring ways, and anything I write there will be a remix of “It freaks me out, I feel out of place, I’m bigger than everyone, BUT I AM DOING IT ANYWAY.”
And I thought about my ride on the anxiety train, on and off the floah, the struggle between the part of me that loves connecting with people and the part of me that us also utterly terrified of and exhausted by consistent social interaction. But I’ve already written all kinds of posts about getting into my discomfort zone, and DOING IT ANYWAY.
And I’m kind of over some of it. I’m kind of over the memes about “adulting” and I’m kind of over the posts about “how to love an introvert/extrovert/whatever-overt”. I’m kind of over all of the rules (or are they really just excuses?) and I am tired of people whining about change but not doing the hard stuff (and by “people” I mean THIS GIRL). Know what? I haven’t ridden a bike for years. I jog slower than I walk. I already gave myself eye hickeys trying to get my goggles right. I don’t have time to cross train very much so I’m out there huffing and puffing harder than the people who pay me money every month to lead classes. I already have bike envy and I already am pressed for time to get my training workouts in and already I am worried about finishing last. BUT I AM DOING IT ANYWAY.
Nothing new. Nothing to see here. I’ve lived this life in front of you before, and you’ve lived it in front of me. This is what we DO. We take on the challenges and dig deep and make magic happen. Even when everything conspires against us. WE DO IT ANYWAY.
So I don’t know what I’m going to say during this process that will be new or interesting or funny. But I’m in training. For a triathlon. I’m not waiting for some magical perfect time. I’m not waiting until I can afford a better bike. I’m not pushing it off until next season so I have more time. I’m big, and I’m anxious, and I’m nervous, and I’m pretty sure I’ll cry during every hard workout because I’m kind of a baby. Add me to the list of
crazy people women who for whatever reason find themselves setting their alarm clocks for 6AM on a weekend to sneak out while sane people the rest of the house sleeps just to be able to cross one more practice session off of the training plan. I will be grumpy and tired and sore and elated and terrified and feeling strong and having bad days and even though none of this will be news to any of you because you are all WAY more bad ass then me, IM DOING IT ANYWAY.