big girl panties

by MrsFatass on July 20, 2015

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Afraid to cross the beam. But I DID IT ANYWAY.

If we are Facebook friends (or if you’re in any service industry whatsoever that involves asking me the question “how are you?”) then you know that I have recently begun training for my first triathlon.

Yeah, I’ll just let that sink in for a minute.

I say it a lot. I tell everyone. Mostly because I’m trying to believe for myself that its really true. I’ve never wanted to do this before and I’m not even sure I still do, except that now I’m organizing a training club for 20 or so women, mostly first timers, so I’m in it up to my eyeballs.

And I do know that there are parts of it that I already love. I mean, aside from the shopping for clothes and shoes and gadgets. Just a few weeks in and I’ve already discovered that I love to ride the bike. I haven’t even gotten super hardcore yet, but I’m in love with cycling. And I also hate it because for the kind of riding I want to do, I don’t yet have the endurance and I don’t yet have the bike I need. And I’m impatient. And not made of money. But still. I do love to ride.

I also might love swimming. I’ve only had one practice so far, but it was a strong one. I have never been coached in the pool, and all I really knew going in was that I’m really good at floating on a raft or standing by the wall in the deep end with my friends drinking a beer an ice water on a hot summer day. So I really had no idea what to expect when I jumped in for the first time. But I can roll and I can breathe and I’m kind of fast and I only came up choking once in the entire 45 minute lesson so I think I’m going to like that part too.

The run? Not so much. For about the 58th time I’m back to C25K. And back to hating every step. Not much more to be said there.

I have thought a lot about how I want to write about my journey to triathlete. I mean, like, what angle. Based on the name of this website we know that I’m, uh, robust. And that hasn’t really changed a whole lot. But really? Other people have already written the Fat Girl Tri story in amazing and uplifting and inspiring ways, and anything I write there will be a remix of “It freaks me out, I feel out of place, I’m bigger than everyone, BUT I AM DOING IT ANYWAY.”

And I thought about my ride on the anxiety train, on and off the floah, the struggle between the part of me that loves connecting with people and the part of me that us also utterly terrified of and exhausted by consistent social interaction. But I’ve already written all kinds of posts about getting into my discomfort zone, and DOING IT ANYWAY.

And I’m kind of over some of it. I’m kind of over the memes about “adulting” and I’m kind of over the posts about “how to love an introvert/extrovert/whatever-overt”. I’m kind of over all of the rules (or are they really just excuses?) and I am tired of people whining about change but not doing the hard stuff (and by “people” I mean THIS GIRL). Know what? I haven’t ridden a bike for years. I jog slower than I walk. I already gave myself eye hickeys trying to get my goggles right. I don’t have time to cross train very much so I’m out there huffing and puffing harder than the people who pay me money every month to lead classes. I already have bike envy and I already am pressed for time to get my training workouts in and already I am worried about finishing last. BUT I AM DOING IT ANYWAY.

Nothing new. Nothing to see here. I’ve lived this life in front of you before, and you’ve lived it in front of me. This is what we DO. We take on the challenges and dig deep and make magic happen. Even when everything conspires against us. WE DO IT ANYWAY.

So I don’t know what I’m going to say during this process that will be new or interesting or funny. But I’m in training. For a triathlon. I’m not waiting for some magical perfect time. I’m not waiting until I can afford a better bike. I’m not pushing it off until next season so I have more time. I’m big, and I’m anxious, and I’m nervous, and I’m pretty sure I’ll cry during every hard workout because I’m kind of a baby. Add me to the list of crazy people women who for whatever reason find themselves setting their alarm clocks for 6AM on a weekend to sneak out while sane people the rest of the house sleeps just to be able to cross one more practice session off of the training plan. I will be grumpy and tired and sore and elated and terrified and feeling strong and having bad days and even though none of this will be news to any of you because you are all WAY more bad ass then me, IM DOING IT ANYWAY.

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

DubyaWife July 20, 2015 at 11:25 am

In 2013 USA Triathlon estimated 174K people participated in tris. There’s 318 million people in the country. Let that sink in for a moment. So while you may feel like another Fat Tri Girl in the crowd, remember, you walk among lionesses who eat tris for breakfast. And you surround yourself with people who do these things cause they fucking love it. While the rest of the country sits on their couch watching The Bachelor, you’re training.
Keep being more awesome. I fucken love you.
Welcome to tri-town.

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Valerie July 20, 2015 at 11:25 am

I love this and have enjoyed hearing about your tri training. Who says everything we write/do/feel has to be new and amazeballs? There’s a lot to be said for doing it anyway. At a certain point, that’s what life is about – you put one foot in front of the other, tackle new challenges, get new callouses, turn green with envy over someone else’s bike/shoes/life and learn lessons along the way about how good you have it. Even when it sucks sometimes. So, yeah – love this. Good on you and can’t wait to keep hearing all about it.

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Lena July 20, 2015 at 11:36 am

I tried and failed C25K many times, but found my joy of running with Jeff Galloway’s method – I think it’s because it lets you set your own run/walk intervals and go on YOUR terms. And go harder when you’re ready, not when you’ve reached a certain week in training.

P.S. I could type “you got this” instead 🙂 But you know you got this, I don’t need to tell you.

P.P.S. And you should totally rename this blog to “Mrs. Bad Ass”!

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Jenn July 20, 2015 at 1:20 pm

You are freaking amazing!! You eat scary things for breakfast. I would have never even thought this would be possible for me. Which it’s still questionable but I’m still doing it and that’s a compliment to you being such an inspiration to me. Right now is the right time for all of us because we are all out there wondering how we are going to make it through training and huffing and puffing right along with you. And even if I finish last, that’s okay because at least I did it!! I have so much love for you and Trio. You help me achieve dreams and goals I didn’t even know I had. Thank you.

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Jen July 20, 2015 at 3:58 pm

Welcome to the sport! Not all of us are buffed-out gods and goddesses, but I have met wonder and supportive people doing this sport. Join a local Tri club if you can. My team provides incredible training opportunities at a very low cost. And feel free to reach out to me if I can help you in any way.

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Stephanie July 21, 2015 at 12:17 am

you don’t need an angle to write. Just tell it from your own view, whatever it is on that day. I’d read that all day long. #truth

I’m so excited for you to try out triathlon! It’s amazing and hard and fun and expensive and requires more spandex and gear than any event has the right to but DO IT ANYWAY. And you get to share this first-time experience with so many people… That’s awesome!! I can’t wait to hear more from you!

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Danielle July 21, 2015 at 2:33 pm

you’re kinda amazing. and I’m loving this journey.

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