suckhole zumba

Being that my daughter is now old enough to know how to milk a birthday, I lose a good part of my Giant Birthday Suckhole Extravaganza. I mean, I am a lot of things, but I’m not a woman who will steal birthday attention away from a child. So, now we have to cram the Extravaganza into just a few days. Because the big day is Saturday, ladies and germs. And if my calculations are correct, that means that I get to kick off my 39th year doing Zumba with a bunch of hotasses at Fitbloggin.

Between you and me, I’m ready to say goodbye to 38. 38 tried to break me. Screw 38. And to be saying goodbye to it at Fitbloggin is so perfect. Amongst my tribe. And having a big sweaty dance party to start the day? EPIC.

I can’t believe I actually get to fill my suckhole live and in person.

Anywho. I have tweeted with lots and lots of you about this whole Zumba experience. Some of you already know you love Zumba and that makes me so happy. Some of you are instructors, and I’m not gonna lie. That makes me nervous. And some of you are saying things to the effect of “I’m just sure imma make a total fool of myself but I’m gonna try anyway” and to you I say HOTASS. We’re going to have so much fun!

There are a few reasons I am passionate about Zumba, but a big one has to do with the healing properties. I think a person could make this kind of argument about any type of exercise that one enjoys, and it’s not specific to Zumba. But this is what it is for me. The combination of the music and the sweat and the dancing is restorative and energizing and sexy. Every day I hear something from a student about how they feel better, younger, healthier and HOTTER than they did the day before.

And also I see that they are wearing less clothing.

Yep. Never fails. Newbies come in wearing the frumpiest, oldest, biggest workout clothing imaginable. And then after a few classes the sweats turn into leggings. Eventually husbands old baggy tee shirt turns into a fitted women’s v-neck. And maybe they inquire about how to get a Zumba shirt.

Within 2 months they are wearing more Zumbawear than I am.

I love it.

So on Saturday if you do decide to come to Zumba, here’s what you can expect:

• Wear what you normally like to work out in. And if that includes glitter eyeshadow and skimpy clothes, so be it. I’m also getting lots of questions about footwear. The normal answer I give is to wear shoes with the smoothest bottoms you can find so that you can twist and turn and not tweak a knee or an ankle. We will probably be on carpet for this class and lots of people ask about dancing in their socks. The official recommendation is to always wear an appropriate shoe. But last year I did the Fitbloggin class in my socks and I survived just fine. As a general rule I wouldn’t recommend dancing in socks every day. But use your best judgment for this one class.

• There will be some music you recognize and some you won’t. I usually stick pretty close to the Latin roots of this class, but for the purposes of Saturday, I added a couple of songs that you’ll maybe be familiar with so that it will help with the nerves of the newbies.

• I will be facing you. And there won’t be a mirror. In lots of aerobics classes the instructor faces the mirror, but in Zumba we face YOU, and in essence BECOME your mirror image. So there’s no need to worry about what you look like. I’m the only one who will see and I can already guarantee you that I think you look HOT.

• The playlist will vary in intensity. So if we get into one song that wipes you, hang on because the next one may slow down a bit. I’m trying to plan a class with something for everybody.

• That said, in ANY song you can vary the intensity for YOURSELF. I will demonstrate many levels at which you can work. When a song begins I’ll start out by showing you the moves at their most basic, and then once we’re there, I’ll add layers and flair and sabor and encourage you to do the same.

• I won’t stop the music. One song will flow into the next. You take a break when and if you need to, and grab water when you can. I won’t preview a step or a rhythm before each song. We learn as we go. And there is no reason on God’s green earth to stress about that. Nobody cares about getting it right. Just keep moving and for Pete’s sake, smile.

• I also have something special planned for the last song before we stretch. Trust me when I say you won’t want to miss it.

I may get emotional. This is a really meaningful gig for me. But you may get emotional too. The combination of music and endorphins and being with your people can get to you. I say just go with it. And then give each other lots of sweaty hugs and high fives when it’s over.

And then buy me a drink after. Because it will be my birthday, and I’m ready to ring in 39, which I know will be a spectacular year. It just has to be.