name dropper

by MrsFatass on August 3, 2011

I know things around here have been ALL ZUMBA ALL THE TIME lately, but today’s public humiliation story takes a little different turn, focusing on a little thing called Turbo Kickmyass.

Now, I realize we’ve gone years around this blog with me taking stabs and diet and fitness, only to be held hostage by a beer soaked football season weekend or the like, resulting in my putting on and taking off the same fifteen pounds or so pretty much since the dawn of time. But I have managed to make good on my promise to do daily cardio and to wear a bikini with pride. And I’ve taken that to a level I never thought possible – becoming an actual INSTRUCTOR of my favorite type of exercise.

(Cue the Rocky running up the steps music).

Well. All that getting strong now business came to a screeching halt about a week ago when I made my way into my first Turbo Kickmyass class. Strutting in the room that night feeling kind of arrogant about my skillz, I anticipated a good sweat and a big calorie burn with minimal embarrassment that usually accompanies my various forays into Discomfort Zone territory. And while I managed to escape without any conversation about my history of butt problems or issues with my hoohah, I did walk out with a very bruised ego.

That class almost killed me.

(Cancel Rocky running up the steps music).

It pissed me off. I mean, I’ve been working out so hard lately. I’ve been consistent for a long time. I’m constantly finding ways to push myself. But nothing about this class felt FUN! It felt like WORK for Pete’s sake. Everything was at TOP SPEED and I spent a lot of the class trying to catch my breath and bring my heart rate down, just trying to keep up.

So I did what any self respecting fatass in my shoes would do: I went home and pouted. And whined. And said NEVER AGAIN!

Fast forward: This morning. Blinking at the gym schedule looking for a workout. And Lo and Behold, guess what class was being offered at 9:30? Yep. Turbo Kickmyass. So I said to myself, “Self? We shall not be beaten by this class.” And before I had a chance to talk myself out of it, I went back.

(ReCue Rocky music).

I went back. There was a different instructor this time. I raised my hand when she asked who was new. I listened to all of her instructions. I took my place dead center. And got ready for the showdown.

For me and the other newbies, she demonstrated lots of modifications along the way, many of which I blew off – I mean, I came there to do things 85% 100%, or it wasn’t a real win, you know? But before, I didn’t even know there were options! And this time, I kicked and punched and growled my way through the first half of class and that first freaking haywire Turbo section where everything is on steroids. I did it! I wasn’t dying, I was keeping up, and I was only a little bit miserable. She came by and gave me a high 5, and told me I was doing great. And you know what? It made me feel successful.

Then, while we were all catching our breath (and I was trying not to be too puffed up that I was making this class my bitch) the instructor was going to demo a Burpee for me, and . . . then comes the part where I embarrassed myself publicly. Because it wouldn’t be a story about me without me almost sharting my pants or something, right? So she says “Okay, before we do the next Turbo, let me show you a Burpee” and I go “Oh, I got this. I know Chalene.”

And all of a sudden, people were all “Really? You know Chalene? Oh my gosh that’s so cool!” and various other things that meant that my comment, which was intended to mean “I have done lots of her programs so I am familiar with her signature moves” was taken as “she and I are besties who do coffee and talk celebrity gossip together.”


Then, to make matters better worse, I follow up with some nervous chatter about Tweeting with her and her reading my blog and maybe I threw in something about us both being from Michigan, and I’m not sure but I think that I pretty much just stood in a room full of hardcore Turbo chicks and made up a friendship with Chalene Johnson.

Yeah. Well, after that, there was no way I could do things half-assed. I feel like I had to make my new BFF Chalene proud at this point.

I finished strong. I know that there were factors working in my favor this time versus the first go round with Turbo Kickmyass, most importantly that I am a morning workout person. The first time I tried this I was squeezing in a second workout at an evening class, so I know it had a lot to do with that butt whoopin.

But also? It was stuck in my head. That I wanted to prove to myself and Chalene that I could do it. All this exercise isn’t just making my body stronger. It’s also strengthening my will and my resolve and my drive. Endorphins are amazing creatures, no?

So. What are YOU going to go out and beat today?

Post to Twitter Post to Facebook Post to StumbleUpon

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Jan/ HealthyLoserGal August 3, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Weeping with laughter about the Turbo section and your description because BOY! Have I been there! To the point where I was sure I was going to pass out but absolutely refused to slow down. I did slow down, I didn’t pass out! Please do say ‘hi’ to Chalene for me the next time you two get together… and tell her I’m trying, I truly am, to keep up! ; )


chris August 3, 2011 at 8:44 pm

lol. hard shoes to fill I will bet. great job. ack though. Good thing you’ve been working out.


Donna August 3, 2011 at 9:03 pm

I nearly shart myself reading the vast majority of your posts. Well done, on both counts.


Fat Daddy August 3, 2011 at 9:18 pm

You know if you keep taking on all these crazy exercise disciplines people might get the idea that you are really serious about kicking ass. You’re doing great! Maybe Chalene name drops Mrs. Fatass.


Sarah August 3, 2011 at 10:13 pm

Hahaha! I do love your blog.


TheGymCoach August 4, 2011 at 7:33 am

Super fun take on kicking (your own) butt and taking names. Go get em girl


Donna D August 4, 2011 at 7:43 am

So. Freaking. Funny.

Now – onto your poignant question. First, I *love* that you looked your nemesis in the eye and showed it who was boss. You. You are the boss of you. And that is what I try to do every time I workout – I try to show myself whose the boss, and to stretch and push and change my limits. Somedays I don’t feel like it – but I always feel so much better about myself when I give it 100% – just like you did. Fantastic Stuff Mrs FA. Fantastic Stuff. 🙂


A Girl Who Loves Cupcakes August 4, 2011 at 5:54 pm

Girl, you are AWESOME!


BuckeyeKelly August 8, 2011 at 8:02 am

It’s so refreshing to hear someone else admit that sometimes exercise is worse than a skinny best friend who got the guy you’ve been pining for all those years. At least once a week I cry on the way home, sometimes just yelling and sobbing, completely frustrated with myself that after 18mo of trying it’s still hard some days. Yet, we go back the next day and kick it harder. Thanks for reminding me that success is measured by the tries, not the wins sometimes!


merri August 12, 2011 at 6:19 pm

lol i would have just admitted they mistook what i said, but only cuz i probably lack imagination. ya, turbokick is HARD. superhard. our class is nonstop high energy the whole hour and the mirrors are fogged, people are mopping up sweat and we all look like we stepped out of a shower. thats why i LOVE it! when i first started a couple yrs ago, i had an easier teacher and was so uncoordinated. ive worked up to taking the hardest teacher and i do pretty well! it’s SUCH an endorphin rush that half the class spotaneously cheers like we’re in a club so often. i feel like i’m in a club. i cant say enough good about that class! 🙂 lol. end rave.


Rhea August 21, 2011 at 2:09 pm

I found your blog today and I’m so excited to dig deep and read all of your posts. I started my own weight loss blog a few weeks back and it’s helped to keep me accountable and motivated for the long road ahead of me.
We have a new instructor at our gym who is a former Air Force helicopter pilot and she introduced me to the exhausting calorie burning world of Turbo Kick. I am in love with this class. First of all, she’s an incredible instructor which can always make or break a clients motivation to work hard. Secondly, the cardio has boosted my fat burning x10. In one week I lost 4.2 lbs. I can honestly thank my instructor Amy for this and her 3 days a week of Turbo Kick and also her boot camp class (military style and a major energy sucker!)
I loved reading this post, and I plan to keep up with your blog and follow your progress because it always helps to hear someone elses story.
Feel free to stop by my blog anytime. I don’t have any readers yet so it would be great to have a group of friends to keep in touch with. 🙂


Leave a Comment

{ 1 trackback }

Previous post:

Next post: