Speaking of Kettlebells . . .
I took another look at the schedule for Wednesday. There was more Zumba, but not until the evening, and while I could have just hit the treadmill for a run, I started thinking about the comments I got from you all about my noisy zumba experience. Things like “I am so proud of you” and “you are fantastic” and “lately I’ve been thinking of you and your whole ‘stepping out of your comfort zone’ thing”.
“Well, poop,” I thought to myself. “Now I have to go do it again.”
So out comes the gym schedule and I give it a looksee, and as it turns out I can make another lunchtime class. This one is called Body Blast. And if that doesn’t shoot fear through your chest, the description said “a fast and fun class that will incorporate kettlebells, weights, bands, and whatever else she can put her hands on to make this class effective and fun. No two classes will be the same.” I know, right? Terrifying! But it was really the only thing that fit my schedule and the schedule of Mrs. Tim, who kindly took Thing Two for an hour so I could go blast my bod.
The class was listed to only be 35 minutes, and if you’ve been coming here a while you know that that little fact made me instantly cocky, that 35 minutes. I mean, heck, I should be able to do ANYTHING for 35 minutes! So I got there a little early and spent 15 minutes doing jogging intervals on the treadmill to warm up.
Then I bebop into the same sticky floor room, this time leaving my shoes on, and come face to face with my instructor, a woman of probably 5’10 and maybe 120 pounds. And she’s one of those IN YOUR FACE ALL ABOUT THE CARDIO people. Seriously, I think I heard her use the word cardio about 50 times before class started. Bottom line? The first class was going to be kettlebells, which is great both for CARDIO and sculpting.
She also wore a heart rate monitor and gave us frequent updates on how many calories she was burning. I’m still not sure how I feel about that.
And she starts out with a warmup just to get our hearts pumping. And by warmup? She totally meant LET THE ASSKICKING BEGIN. I mean, we did a few that could be called a warmup, but before I knew it, I was swinging a 10 lb kettlebell through my legs, which if you didn’t already know is an area dangerously close to my hoohah. First we’re swinging it holding it with two hands, and squatting and standing. And then we’re changing hands on the upswing, so like for a split second it just hangs there in the air assuming it will eventually be grabbed before plunging to the floor. Or into the mirror in the front of the room. And we’re doing rows. And we’re doing lunges. And we’re doing bicep presses. And this weird move where we are kind of whipping it around our heads.
And then the music finally changes and she says “Alright, you should be all warmed up. Let’s get started!”
Basically the next 15 minutes or so is a repeat of most of those moves, but with many more reps and much more groaning. And panting. And turning red. And there were a couple of moments here and there where I’m pretty sure I got lightheaded and maybe felt like I wanted to barf, but the room was spinning to much to know for sure. At least this time nobody handed me anything that jingled, though. Note to self: next time, maybe skip the 15 minute run beforehand.
The last move we did before getting on the floor to do abs was a move called a snatch. Now, I may be a kettlebell novice, but I have spent a fair amount of time on The Twitter snickering about the move they call the Snatch. So she demonstrates, and she tries to give me a warning about how to not let the kettlebell flip back and smack me on the wrist and I get into position and I do a set.
And you know what she said?
And you know what I said?
“Yeah, I get that all the time.”
I did. I really said that.
And that was number 3 of 7. Lord I hope I make it through this week.