i’d like to thank mrs. tim

by MrsFatass on September 30, 2010

I swear that someday when I’m accepting an award for some kind of greatness, ‘I’d like to thank Mrs. Tim’ is going to be my entire acceptance speech. Seriously. I mean, aside from the whole coconut ice cream thing, which is entirely fabulous, she also knocked the cover off the ball with my birthday present this year.

See, I’m a reader. And I also tend to get a little starstruck by people I am a fan of. So, put those two traits together and you get that I collect books signed by my favorite authors. I don’t have a ton of them yet, but I’m young. I’ve got all kinds of time to stock a bookshelf the size of my living room wall with signed editions of my favorite books. Well. I also have to get a bookshelf.

Anyhow, a while back I remarked that I’d really like to turn this hobby in the direction of cookbooks. See, on the inside, I’m a celebrity chef. Oh yes. I spent a good part of my twenties sweating away in restaurant kitchens being everything from prep cook to line cook to sous chef to manager, and it has instilled in me a love not only for cooking, but the whole restaurant culture (if you’ve ever waited tables or worked in a kitchen, then you know exactly what I’m talking about). Sleep all day, awake all night, intense and busy atmosphere, raunchy language, camaraderie, stiff and sore bodies from being on your feet for hours, comparing the scars on your hands and arms, war stories, arrogance, rushes of people, flying tempers, making up, and everybody is doing everybody everybody ends up being one big happy family.

I have 2 chefs on my List of 5. Both ‘celebrity’ television chefs, but I think they are both really good at what they do. And Mrs. Tim, because she is really just this wonderful a person, remembered a conversation we had months ago about both my desire to start a signed cookbook collection AND my undying lust love for Gordon Ramsay, and BOOM! she hands me the most spectacular birthday present a fatass could ever ask for: a signed copy of Ramsay’s book Cooking for Friends.

I blinked away tears. My hands shook. I couldn’t say anything for a minute. Because that book? Made me totally starstruck. Number One on my List of Five My favorite chef had touched this book. And my sister Mrs. Tim knew I’d love it.

Oh and I do. I do love it.

Not only is it the perfect chef, it’s the perfect book. Let me tell you, MrsFatass knows how to throw a dinner party. It’s been a long time since I’ve really knocked myself out over one, but I’ll bet some of you out there who have been to one of my soirees could tell how much I loved throwing myself into every little detail. I absolutely love cooking for friends.

Really, it was just the perfect gift. And I am touched.

One of my new features here? My Daily Booth. Look up top and you’ll see the tab. It’s a place for a daily snap of my nutty life, which, trust me, is about to get a whole lot nuttier. You can see a stream of photos right here, but if you click on one it will take you my DailyBooth.com page and you can flip through all of them, read the captions, and even comment if you are so inclined. These photos also post to my Facebook page. It’s a pretty fun feature and I’m mildy obsessed with it. I mean yesterday? This hot ass told me I looked like Ginnifer Goodwin. Amazeballs. You know how at parties you go around the room and everybody says what celebrity they’d want to have portray them in a movie about their life? No? Well, anyway, if there was ever a MrsFatass movie, I think Ginnifer would be a fine choice. Cute. Funny. Way hot. I can totally see it.

(A MrsFatass movie. Hilarious. Could you even imagine? I know. Me either.)

Who would you want to play YOU in a movie about your life? (Or you could tell me who’s top on your List of Five if you’d rather). (Or both). Give me something to chuckle over while I’m doing my  30 minutes of cardio on the bike today.

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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

MizFit September 30, 2010 at 7:17 am



I love her.

I dont care if she dont look like me 🙂


Ryan @NoMoreBacon September 30, 2010 at 7:24 am

Easy. Matt Damon.


3rd Time Loser September 30, 2010 at 7:31 am

Oh, for me it would be Bette Midler, because according to all my friends I am her, reborn. I guess that’s a compliment….


Lisa September 30, 2010 at 8:14 am

I love love love Gordon Ramsay!! He’s my boyfirend, he just doesn’t know it lol


JourneyBeyondSurvival September 30, 2010 at 9:16 am


Brooke Sheilds? I would make her cut her hair though. There is no way JBS would take care of a mop that long.

Annd? It would be an amazing boxoffice hit!


Danielle September 30, 2010 at 9:29 am

I LOVE Gordon Ramsay – have you seen the intro to “The F Word”? He is pretty hot…just sayin.
I don’t know who would play me…. probably someone who does socially awkward well…. like Rachel Dratch or someone… ha.
That was a super thoughful gift, nice to have friends who know you and think so much of you.


Fitarella September 30, 2010 at 9:30 am

Eva Mendes baby!


Bubba September 30, 2010 at 9:51 am

Ethan Suplee


Helen September 30, 2010 at 9:58 am

Jennifer Aniston, which is ironic since the Mr. can’t figure out “what the hell” I see in her. I’ve always just wanted her body and her hair so I suppose I’m hoping that by the time I need to be “played” I’ll be enough like her that no other choice would be considered.


Drazil September 30, 2010 at 10:17 am

Well, well, well. I did not know about this cookbook fantasy/obsession of yours. Pretty cool if I do say so myself. Now excuse me while I go tell Rachael Ray I’m gonna need her to sign a book for my friend, the MF. Oh shitballs….I forgot she doesn’t know who I am…yet. I have to think about my Top Five. And dude – I wanna be in your movie. Know what part I want to play? The door shutter. Can you imagine the credits rolling?

Door shutter #1 -> Drazil


Kahla Kiker September 30, 2010 at 10:38 am

Gordon Ramsey is your Hotass? I thought I was….tear…lol.
I think Sandra Bullock or Kristen Bell would play me nicely. But, if i was going for someone that looks nothing like me – definitely Angelina Jolie – just so I could meet her. (Huge girl crush!)Can I be in the movie too – I will be the door opener.

Door Shutter’s Assistant #1 -> Hotass


Roxie September 30, 2010 at 10:52 am

My #1: Hugh Jackman



Tania September 30, 2010 at 11:19 am

I think I’d have to say Scarlett Johansson with dark hair. Yeah, that wouldn’t suck at all. 😛


Morgan September 30, 2010 at 11:41 am

I have never been able to come up with an answer for who would play me – I just don’t see anyone who reminds me of me in Hollywood. I am open to suggestions!

Ah, the list of 5. Let me just say first that my husband knows that if, at any point in time, I am approached by an even halfway-decent-looking man with an authentic Irish accent, I am going to sleep with him. It can’t be helped. He might not even have to be halfway-decent-looking. A quarter might work.

But the official 5 are: Christian Bale, Harrison Ford in the Han Solo time period (and I say that the chances of there being a time-machine to bring me that Harrison Ford are pretty much equal to my ever actually having the opportunity to sleep with him!) Gerard Butler (who must talk to me the entire time – the Scottish accent will do for the Irish one in a pinch) Collin Farrel, and at this point #5 kind of rotates depending on what I am watching.


HCGWillpower September 30, 2010 at 12:29 pm

Wait JBS, Brooke shields is mine, mainly because of the name. So Mrs. Fatass do not let her have that movie star. I would keep her hair since thats how mine used to always be until last year when I decided I was getting older and needed to grow up a little bit. Make that bike rock for me I so badly miss excerising at the moment.


LosingItInVegas September 30, 2010 at 12:35 pm

I go missing for a year, and yet your writing still gives me a giggle…who could play me? Hmmmm. Rosanne Barr or Rosie ODonnell…not that I want either of them. I’d rather it be Sandra Bullock!


Tracey September 30, 2010 at 1:08 pm

I love Gordon Ramsay. Most people do not share my appreciation for him so it’s nice to see someone who does! Me in a biopic: Winona Ryder. And #1 on The List: John Mayer. (Another that most people do not share my appreciation for!)


Kendra September 30, 2010 at 6:44 pm

I have absolutely no idea who could play me in a movie. That’s a good question though. I don’t know who I look like at all.


SkinnyCoffin September 30, 2010 at 7:58 pm

So where is Paula Deen on your list? The wifey was on her show a couple years ago in the audience…


Gules September 30, 2010 at 8:48 pm

I do share your admiration or obsession, either works for me, for a Mr. Gordon Ramsay. I actually went to one of his book signings! We lined up for hours and hours and he was all giving kisses to ladies of course, on both cheeks, so I was totally excited! By the time I got to him, he kissed me, signed my book and asked ” what’s for dinner tonight” and I froze. No words came out, only a goofy smile that he kind of chuckled afterwards. So that’s my GR story for you! He’s even more GORGEOUS in person! Oh, and I would like VIP pass to your first movie premier Mrs. Fatass, the movie–how cool would that be. For me, I would love for Kate Winslet to play me…love her so much!


redpene October 2, 2010 at 12:59 am

Dear Mrs Fatass,

After lurking in your blogroll for some time now, I thought it was time to pop my head up and say ‘hi’. And what better reason that to bond over Gordon Ramsay. I love him & his cookbooks (I only have 6, but hey, who’s counting? oh yeah me).

I don’t think there’s anyone I could pick just yet to play my life – basically because my life story isn’t ready for the big (or small) screen yet. The hallmark moments are yet to come.

But before I click ‘submit’. just wanted to say I think you’re fan-bloody-tastic!



Tara Lou October 2, 2010 at 6:46 pm

Hmm… Jennifer Jason Leigh, or, Ally Sheedy (I’ve been told I look like them both). But, it would be a pretty boring movie, thus far.

Top #5 (in no particular order):
Russell Crowe (Gladiator period)
James (Jim) Caviezal (when he was not playing Jesus)
Dennis Quaid
Kevin Costner

Guess I like the older ones. 😉


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