everybody wants something

by MrsFatass on September 29, 2010

Can you even stand another Birthday Suckhole post? What if I say it’s not MY suckhole I’m going to try to fill today? Will you stick around? I hope so. Here goes . . .

Dear Trophy Husband:

Your birthday is marching in with much less fanfare than mine a week ago. No friend visiting from home to take you to breakfast. No new website launching. No strong-arming your friends into writing love notes for you to hang all over your blog.

Totally not your style.

You let me be the big, crazy, needy one, while you? Fly under the radar. Keep your cards close to your chest. Seemingly content to be the foundation for the rest of your family to build itself on.

You’re good at it. You’re calm. Loyal. Devoted. Dependable. The perfect mix of capable traits to lead our little family. You’re simpler than I am. Easier to please. Much more content to be where we are, together, than any other place in the world.

Which probably makes it all the more exhausting for you to have a handful for a wife. To be married to somebody who is on a constant treadmill of what-ifs and oh-nos and what-abouts and holycrapballs. I suppose you could have picked an easier woman, but you didn’t. You picked me.

And here we are at your birthday. No big party planned. No brightly wrapped gifts. Not a single birthday surprise up my sleeve. And it’s got me a little on edge because I don’t always believe you when you say you don’t want anything. I mean, who doesn’t want anything? For their birthday? Or any other day? Everybody wants something. Don’t they?

Not you. You always say “I don’t want anything. Just chips and salsa and the remote.”

One year at Christmas all my dad would say he wanted were brown socks and handkerchiefs. Because even if there was something he really wanted, he sure wasn’t going to tell us kids. He never wants us going out and spending money on something for him. So, brown socks and handkerchiefs was his stock answer to the question “what do you want for Christmas, Dad?”

You know what he got? Brown socks and handkerchiefs. From all of us.

Maybe it was a gag. Maybe we got him something else, too. I don’t remember. But the point is this: everybody wants something.

Even you.

I’m sorry this isn’t the year. I would love to be able to shower you with new gadgets or weekend getaways or something to wear or a fancy dinner out or that new tattoo or friends from home or whatever it is that you would really love to tear in to, cost or time or priorities be damned. I’ll do it someday. Maybe that desire is more for me than for you, because it feels so good to splurge on somebody you love every once in a while. Either way, I’m going to do it someday.

Who knows? You just might like it.

This year you get chips and salsa and the remote. And a family who adores you. Oh, and you get this post. You get at least one love letter hanging on my blog. Thank you, TH, for the capable and the dependable and the loyal. And the patience and the understanding. The forgiveness. The laughter. The endless hours of playing catch in the yard, singing ABCs, and suffering through Top Chef and Real Housewives. Thank you for always taking a bite of what I cook first, before you go for the barbeque sauce or the honey mustard. Thank you for being so content.

Happy 35th, Trophy Husband. I love you.

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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

MizFit September 29, 2010 at 5:44 am

I adore this.
and him.
and you.
and the sentence about being so content.
that, oh trophy husband, is the KEY to a happy life huh?

and call me if you need a ride to work.

xo xo


Laurie September 29, 2010 at 6:18 am

sweet. chips salsa and remote, love it.


LaniePainie September 29, 2010 at 6:27 am

and sex. don’t forget the sex.

Happy bday TH!


JourneyBeyondSurvival September 29, 2010 at 6:29 am

Happy Birthday TH.
You are wise.
You are smart.

You know you’ve got it all.


Kerri O September 29, 2010 at 6:52 am

Awesome. He sounds a lot like my hubby. Uber content. I scrimped and saved to buy him a Wii for his b-day, which he loves, but it really was my need to spoil him, he would have been content with the remote too, LOL.


Stacie September 29, 2010 at 7:23 am

Mrs. Fatass + Trophy Husband = 4eva


Coco September 29, 2010 at 7:45 am

He watches Real Housewives with you? He is a prize. I’m still watching Desperate Housewives alone.


MB September 29, 2010 at 8:05 am

Happy Birthday TH!

Maybe you could spice it up with a little somethin’ somethin’ under the covers after he’s had his fill of chips and salsa. You’re a lucky girl to have such a great guy and he’s even luckier to have you for a wife.


Drazil September 29, 2010 at 8:16 am

Happy Birthday TH indeed. From one over-analyzing, over-crazy wife to another – man, we are lucky huh? I’ll never understand why they love us….I’m just glad they do. And seriously – I’m pretty sure all he really wants is…….to shut the door. Am I right?


Jamie September 29, 2010 at 8:56 am

Happy Happy Birthday! Enjoy your chips and salsa… be careful with that remote!


Fat Daddy September 29, 2010 at 9:02 am

Chips and salsa and the remote. Add a cold beer to that and this birthday would be right down my alley. Does TH’s birthday last a month too?


Kahla Kiker September 29, 2010 at 9:42 am

My husband never wants anything either – it a good thing that is easy to shop for! (Except sex – and there is no “shopping” for that!) lol. You two seem like the perfect compliment and there will come a time very soon that you will be able to buy him all the crap that he really doesn’t want, but you buy it anyway to make up for past times.
You are blessed!


Janice Andersen September 29, 2010 at 10:35 am

You are a very special guy and not only are you a wonderful husband but you were a wonderful friend to my son Jason. I hope you have a very special birthday just lying around with your chips and salsa and your remote and enjoying it. Love you all


tj September 29, 2010 at 10:44 am

awww I loved this post. I have one of those men who never wants anything either. I sneak in a lil gift, but nothing spectacular- and he makes me feel like it’s the best thing I ever gave him. 🙂
We are lucky girls huh? 🙂

Happy Birthday TH. Enjoy your day! 🙂


MsGigglepuss September 29, 2010 at 12:27 pm

Boy, your title threw me off! I was ready for something about old school Degrassi 🙂 Happy Birthday, TH! It definitely is wonderful to have a guy who is sooo calm and dependable to even out our crazies. Both of you are so lucky to have each other.


SeattleRunnerGirl September 29, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Happy birthday, TH! You sound so much like my husband – quiet, content, and not at all interested in “competing” with me for the limelight. Which makes me love him all the more.


ldswims September 29, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Happy Birthday to TH.

What an awesome tribute! Sounds a lot like my hubby…


Alicia Webster-Lambaria September 29, 2010 at 3:09 pm

Your a great wify!


Angela.Alayne September 29, 2010 at 3:39 pm


That’s beautiful.

*sob more*

Goddamn, I’ve got to get my Paxil refilled TODAY.


Ryan @NoMoreBacon September 29, 2010 at 4:03 pm

Lots of people already made the sex joke so I’ll hold back on that one.

It’s funny though, most of us guys really are pretty simple when it comes to what we want. Chips, Salsa, and the remote sounds just about perfect to me. Maybe a pig in the middle of a dining room would make it better. I’m not picky though.

In my case I actually think I don’t mind getting nothing. I’m totally ok with it, it’s not just something I say. I’ll bet there’s a good chance that TH is the same way.

And how many things do you celebrate in September? Holy crap! The only thing I think that isn’t in September is Thing 1’s b-day…


Ryan @NoMoreBacon September 29, 2010 at 4:05 pm

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOE! May Big Blue run all over those hoosier nancy-boys!


Quix November 8, 2010 at 6:40 pm

Happy birthday TH! I know…right? It always throws me when I meet those “I’m content to just be” people. Everyone wants something. Everyone wants to be somewhere they’re not. Except some people just. don’t. Fascinating! 🙂


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