Thing One (TO): (eyes down) Good.
MF: Sleep well?
MF: You woke up last night. Do you remember that?
. . .
TO: (quietly) yeah.
MF: Do you have anything you want to talk to me about? You can ask me whatever you want.
Oh please say no oh please say no oh please say no.
TO: What were you doing?
Baby, your daddy and I love each other so much. We aren’t perfect, and we occasionally drive each other crazy and sometimes we have absolutely no idea how we made it this far. But you know what? God gave us a special way of being able to love each other that is passionate and amazing and is a thread that keeps us together even when the circumstances of life turn us totally upside down. And that gift, that special way of loving, is supposed to feel good, and give you safety and comfort and joy and pleasure unlike any other kind of love. And some day you’ll know exactly what I mean, even though you don’t now.
MF: Well, what did you see?
Oh please say nothing oh please say nothing oh please say nothing.
TO: (let’s just say he didn’t say “nothing”)
Holy Crapballs, boy, how long were you standing there?!
MF: And how did it make you feel?
Mortified? Like you wanted to poke out your own eyes?
TO: Kind of scared.
Just wait until you’re in my shoes. Scared doesn’t even begin to cover it.
MF: Okay. I’m glad you told me. Thing One, it’s nothing to be scared of. You know how we talk about how God has somebody special picked out for you to meet one day?
Actually, my boy, there will be several somebodies. Several opportunities for you to learn the hard way that love isn’t easy, or fair, or something you can come to selfishly. Women will disappoint you, and hurt you, and end up not being who you want them to be.
And you will probably do the same to somebody else.
It’s just the way of the world. You have to kiss a lot of frogs. Because, if you do, you’ll eventually find somebody who is everything you need them to be. Or at least pretty darn close.
MF: Well, not only does God have a special person, he has a special gift. A special way the two of you get to love each other. Daddy and I were just loving each other in the special way that God gave grown ups.
TO: Why do you do that?
It feels good. Better than good. When you’re with the right person, the feeling is indescribable. Emotion and sensation all wrapped up together in this one naked package. And you know what? It can also feel good when you’re with the wrong person. For a while anyway. One of life’s great mysteries, I suppose, the power of It Feels Good.
It’s my job to try to teach you to wait until you find a really really special somebody, but the truth is, you won’t. The power of It Feels Good will bring you to the right people, but it will also bring you to some wrong ones. You’ll learn the hard way that sex can mean everything and sex can mean nothing. Both are important lessons to learn.
MF: Well, you know how sometimes you want to give somebody a hug?
MF: Why do you do that?
Sometimes you’ll want to do it because you’ll love somebody so much that it will be impossible to get close enough; it will be all you can do not to just consume each other completely. Other times you’ll do it because you’ll really want somebody to love you that way, but they won’t. Occasionally you’ll do it because you feel obligated, or bored, or sad. And once or twice you’ll probably do it just because you’re tired of being by yourself, and even being with somebody you don’t love is better than being alone.
TO: I hug you because I love you. I hug Yaya because I don’t see her very much. I hug Annie because she hugs me first.
There will always be girls who want to hug you first. Girls who will want so badly for you to love them that they will try and try and try to hug you. And if you hug them back, even though you don’t mean it? You will break their heart. Please, Thing One, please be one of the good guys.
MF: But you hug because you love. Because it feels good. And it makes the other person feel good.
The special hug isn’t all about you, by the way. But that is most definitely another conversation for another day. A conversation that will preferably happen between you and somebody that is not me.
TO: So you guys were just hugging? Kind of?
MF: Yep. A special hug. A private hug. We should have had the door closed. Sorry about that.
I can guarantee that mistake won’t happen again. Closed And Locked.
TO: It’s okay.
MF: Do you have any other questions?
. . .
TO: Why did it sound like you were sick?