does this hemorrhoid make my butt look big?

by MrsFatass on June 10, 2010

When I was in college, some friends of mine had a saying. When we’d be hanging around together not inhaling, and the conversation inevitably became hilarious, and one of us would say the thing that is just maybe a step too far but would make us laugh until we cried, we’d say that “his shunt was broken.” You know, your shunt. that thing that filters the inappropriate comment or topic of conversation.

I think that we can all agree here that my shunt is broken.

There’s something to be said for that, though. I mean, when I shared the vlog about the kitchen-sink binge with a can of refried beans? Well, that really brought a lot of you out of the shadows and in to the comments and emails, and we were able to talk about a lot of things that had previously been weighing heavily on many hearts and minds. The shart series got us talking about embarrassment and true love. Good things to get out there. The bikini wax discussion (which requires follow-up in a major way because I now possess the secret for eliminating razor-bumps around your South Mouth) was great for discovering new words for your ladybits.

But no post on this blog has generated more conversation than this one. Apparently what the blogosphere needed was a place to discuss our browneyes.

I kid you not when I say there isn’t a day that passes that somebody does not say something to me about a hemorrhoid. Oh yes. I have gotten more than my share of email on the topic. I’ve been linked to by other bloggers who have added their two cents (or just pointed and laughed). And Twitter? Well, lets just say that The Roy has been hashtagged.

And I am totally okay with this. In fact, I love it.

So lets talk turkey. Because, in all seriousness, colorectal health is an important topic, and one that is kind of near and dear to my heart. And my bottom. And my family. So I’m going to do my best to impersonate a PSA for a minute here.

I’ve learned a lot about the colon of late. One job of the colon is to complete the digestive process, which occurs by removing excess water from food wastes entering from the small intestine. When wastes pass through the intestines too quickly, not enough water is absorbed. Watery stools and diarrhea are the result. In contrast, if the passage of waste is too slow, too much water is absorbed. This results in hard stools and constipation, which often leads to constipation and straining.

Getting enough of the right kinds of fiber aids the body in this process by making stools easier to pass, increasing regularity, relieving hemorrhoids (!), aiding in weight control, and preventing certain diseases such as heart disease, cancer, diabetes, diverticular disease, and even gall and kidney stones.

All good things. And for those of us watching our girlish figures, fiber is important because it has an influence on the digestion process from start to finish:

• Because it demands that food be more thoroughly chewed, fiber slows down the eating process and helps contribute to a feeling of being full, which in turn can help prevent obesity from overeating.

• Fiber makes food more satisfying, probably because the contents of the stomach are bulkier and stay there longer.

• Fiber slows digestion and absorption so that glucose (sugar) in food enters the bloodstream more slowly, which keeps blood sugar on a more even level.

• Fiber is broken down in the colon by bacteria (a process called fermentation), and the simple organic acids produced by this breakdown helps to nourish the lining of the colon.

• These acids also provide fuel for the rest of the body, especially the liver, and may have an important role in metabolism.

So. Exciting? Are you all chomping at the bit for more information? Oh goody. See, there are 2 kinds of fiber, insoluble (which cannot be dissolved in water, and provides good laxative action) and soluble (which does dissolve in water, and affects your body chemistry by doing things like lowering blood cholesterol and blood sugar levels). Both are important. And a few signs that you might not be getting enough are constipation, weight gain, blood sugar fluctuations, diet-related nausea and fatigue, high cholesterol, and even . . . hemorrhoids.

It’s recommended by people smarter than me that women get at least 25 grams, and men at least 35. And, just like we hear day in and day out on our health and fitness quests, it is imperative to incorporate fruits, vegetables, and whole grains into our daily eating. A few simple ways to up your fiber intake is by eating whole fruit instead of drinking juice, leaving the skins on apples and pears and even potatoes, buy 100% whole grain or 100% whole wheat (or sprouted grain) breads, use whole wheat flour in baking, eat more beans.

See? See how easy?

Okay. So if you made it though this whole post I salute you.

Another way to help our colons in the digestive process is by drinking plenty of water and getting regular exercise, and I love my colon. Really. I do. So I’m gonna pack up The Things and my water bottle and head to the gym. What are you going to do to take care of your digestive and colorectal health today?

By the by, I’m not a doctor and I’m still a year or so away from being a nurse. So I should probably state that I got all this information from the pile of paperwork sent home with me from the ER that horrible, horrible day. It all came from WebMD, gicare.com, and ehealthmd.com.

Post to Twitter Post to Facebook Post to StumbleUpon

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

ch ch ch chia June 10, 2010 at 7:46 am

Yay. I'm saluted. I salute your brown eye. I keep mine….saluteworthy with a generous amout of CHIA.

TMI,

MizCOLONFit

Reply

ch ch ch chia June 10, 2010 at 7:46 am

Yay. I'm saluted. I salute your brown eye. I keep mine….saluteworthy with a generous amout of CHIA.

TMI,

MizCOLONFit

Reply

carla June 10, 2010 at 7:47 am

Yay. I'm saluted. I salute your brown eye. I keep mine….saluteworthy with a generous amout of CHIA.

TMI,

MizCOLONFit

Reply

carla June 10, 2010 at 7:47 am

Yay. I'm saluted. I salute your brown eye. I keep mine….saluteworthy with a generous amout of CHIA.

TMI,

MizCOLONFit

Reply

JourneyBeyondSurvival June 10, 2010 at 8:57 am

Ah haha ha ha. MizCOLONFit. You are hilarious.

Yes. Fiber is a HUGE deal at the Survival household. We think that perhaps the sun revolves around how much we have of it in the house. In the house IN the victims. Yes. It's a big deal.

And you my friend. You ARE kindofabigdeal.

Reply

Ryan @NoMoreBacon June 10, 2010 at 9:13 am

Your topic is very relevant to my interests and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

I read the whole post.

I'm getting my ass scoped on Monday.

Reply

KatDoesDiets June 10, 2010 at 9:14 am

Great info…but I'm still laughing at the word shunt for some reason. Your shunt is broken, eeeheeehee

Reply

Momma Hunt June 10, 2010 at 11:11 am

I will be drinking some extra water after my coffee (Yes I am drinking my coffee at 11am, Im a new mom at least its hot) and then exercising later on today!

Reply

Laurie June 10, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Why I thought a shunt was something else shows how far my head is in the toilet.
Have I told you that I have this great running shirt that says:
"Does this shirt make my butt look fast?"
It came from a site called: One More Mile….great great stuff.
Fiber shmiber, nothing in your info talked about how it can make you fart.

Reply

Quix June 10, 2010 at 1:58 pm

Shunt sounds so…dirty. 🙂 I am all about the fiber and although some of my carbs are the empty kind, I never find myself having trouble meeting and usually exceeding my 25. 🙂

And yes, you crack me up. Please do not fix your shunt!

Reply

Laurie June 10, 2010 at 3:43 pm

So, since I am a bit new to this blog world (March-ish) I had to go back to see your vlog from Dec that you mentioned today.
That was intense. I loved seeing you, you have such a great presence, along with all that honesty.
I would love to have coffee with you, the other thing I was thinking was I would love to have you prance into my hospital room as my nurse. My son's recent appendectomy brought me front and center to several nurses in and out of his room; I can see your cheerful smile and wealth of knowledge about hemorrhoids and all things medical to be a great ASSet to many many sick patients.

Reply

Jenn June 10, 2010 at 4:01 pm

I love talking poop! Then again, I have two little kids, so poop is frequently the topic of conversation.

I would add here that if you are already stopped up, do NOT add fiber until you get things moving again. Because fiber slows things down, if you add more of it before you're regular, it'll just make things worse.

Talkin' from experience here, of course.

Reply

Katie J June 10, 2010 at 6:19 pm

I have been wanting to do a post all about poop/poop health for awhile. I think I will start putting it together now. I love you girl!

Reply

Katie J June 10, 2010 at 6:19 pm

I have been wanting to do a post all about poop/poop health for awhile. I think I will start putting it together now. I love you girl!

Reply

MJAPAM June 10, 2010 at 10:45 pm

can I just say there is a lot of shit going on in my life…none of it important or major, but I always want to tell you about it.

Reply

cmoursler June 10, 2010 at 10:51 pm

veeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwy informative…
lol.
I keep my sh*t flushed with a granola and flax seed bar and three cups of veggies and 12 cups of water per day…seems to do t he job lol.
Hope you roid is better.

Reply

Tami June 10, 2010 at 11:27 pm

I learn something new every day.

I keep things flowing freely with lots of veggies, fruits and whole grains.

I don't mind if your shunt is broken!

Reply

Merri June 19, 2010 at 1:59 am

i eat fiber gummies. they are so tasty i want to eat more, but i take the requisite 2 gummies a day. since i started doing that about a yr or more ago, i always feel healthier and unbloated. yay.

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: