reader mailbag

by MrsFatass on April 30, 2010

I don’t know what I like better, your posts or your readers’ comments. Love this place. You know what? I think it’s time for another READER MAILBAG!

Has anyone told you lately that you are one amazing lady? You have so much on your plate and you handle it with style and grace and just do more. This is true if by style and grace you mean with lots of shrill, trying to hold it together speech, nail chewing, and vodka. Which I’m sure you do.

I knew I was going to love this post just from the word ‘asshat’ – it’s one of my favorites and I use it on the regular. I just knew I was going to love this comment just from the term ‘on the regular’, which I now intend to incorporate into my vernacular on the regular.

I have a paper bag, a plethora of poop, and a lighter. Wow, I just have a bag of tofu, some broccoli, and one of TJs recipes. We are obviously doing very different things this evening.

And I know you felt mildly dirty but I have to give you a woot woot on busting out the girls in the sundress with a purpose. Boobs and sundresses are like peanut butter and jelly, or rum and diet. Definitely one of life’s best combinations.

I hereby apologize to idiots, and offer the substitute word choice: assclowns. Eureka! We have found it!

I’m trying to decide whether I should like you more, or find some of your hair to put in my voodoo doll. Tough choice.

Thank you for being such a good model of setting goals, and being ok without meeting every single one. Umm, sure, okay. We’ll go with that.

My husband and I “did it” in the back of the jeep a couple weeks ago and it was awesome. If the jeep is a rockin, don’t come a knockin.

If any one blogger wrote a post about libido, I’d expect it to come from you first. Yeah. I make my momma so proud.

Those snickering treadmillers can SUCK IT! Yeah, they’re just a bunch of (waitforit) assclowns.

Good lord, I’ll never feel safe exercising in my silk workout thong again. I’m not so sure you should have EVER felt comfortable working out in a silk workout thong. Just saying.

Ive actually read articles about women having orgasms while working out. Wow. I’ve never even come close. Maybe I’M the assclown.

your poor husband. You have no idea.

Hey sassybritches. Hi, hotass. *wink*

Well, at least I have a BOB. That’s all I’m sayin’ This is as good a time as any to let you all know that my good friend Mrs. Tim? She’s not only one of those bendy yoga people, she’s a PURE ROMANCE CONSULTANT. Anyone interested in hosting a Girls Night In, doing a catalogue party, or placing your own (discreet) order, here is the link to her site or give me a shout and I’ll send you her email. Also, she travels or can do one heckuva Skype party.

Well you broke the silence on this one! Sorry. I had a can of refried beans before starting this post.

Where is the sign-up sheet for being objectified at the gym? I’d go for that. I KNOW! My gymcrush actually introduced himself to me yesterday, like with a handshake and everything, and it dawned on me . . . while I’m objectifying others, somebody might be objectifying me! AND THEN I SQUEALED LIKE A TEENAGER!!!!! Making feminists everywhere die inside just a little bit.

oh, and i am a ton hornier than I used to be… Agreed.

Stop thinking about cake! I don’t even LIKE cake! I swear!

Does the Gruve count kegels? Don’t think so, but it does send out a vibration every now and again, just to get you moving. . .

Hey I LOVE your FatAss! I thought I saw you looking at my ass.

Good gravy do I EVER love gravy! Back home the Coney Island restaurants serve French fries and gravy, and sometimes I have dreams about the gravyliciousness.

You are not a hot mess! You’re right. That title belongs to my daughter, Thing Two.

Thanks – I needed that. You’re welcome. Anytime.

My Lord you are adorable, aren’t you? And I can cook, too.

Holy crap pies, you’re tan. Thing One just had to do an art project about his family, right? So he made this picture of all of us together at the beach. And he used this peachy flesh colored construction paper for himself, his sister, and his dad, but for me he used brown. Perceptive kid. And perceptive reader.

You are my superhero for today. Take it from Miz: be your OWN superhero.

I haven’t been reading you for very long, but I will be now. You made me cry this morning. I hope you’re happy with yourself. I totally see myself in you and want you to know that every time you don’t quit, you make it easier to not quit the next time. Thank you.

Every step beyond your comfort zone is a step in the right direction. So I’m told. And actually, aside from giving me a lot of material to write about here, living in my Discomfort Zone of late has been kind of . . . wonderful.

I’m always surprised at what my body can do even when my brain says I can’t. Crazy, isn’t it?

I like fighters. Yeah? How do you feel about whiners who occasionally show a little spunk?

Its hard to be married to a superstar. I’m sure Trophy Husband would agree with at least part of that statement.

I ended up with a “bruised vulva” according to my gyno. I totally support your decision to give up spinning. Nobody should ever have to hear those words from a doctor.

Do you ever get tired of being so awesome? Nope, never.

I’ll say a lil prayer for your vag. It really took one for the team! All vaginal prayers are appreciated. Thank you.

You have balls of steel – HAIRY balls of steel. Correction: they are no longer hairy now that I get waxed.

It’s all about finding the balance. A very wise person once said “balance is for suckers.” I’ve kind of been living more of a “balls to the wall” existence, and for now it’s working for me.

You? Common sense? I’m sorry, I dialed the wrong number… Hush up, assclown.

I am so excited to meet you that my palms are all clammy. Don’t shake my hand. I promise I won’t squeal and jump up and down. Meeting YOU was a true rockstar moment for me.

I shave/wax/pluck something every day. Yeah. I think I do, too. And I also see a lot of people at the gym who don’t, but should.

There are some things better left to professionals, and ripping my pubes out by the root? That’s one of them. Worth every penny indeed.

You had me at ladynuts. You… had me… at… ladynuts… But thank goodness I don’t have ladynuts. I have other things, but not ladynuts.

You ARE fearless. I love your honesty and courage. I am so not fearless. But if I can do this, anybody can.

As snow falls in a quiet desert, I’m at peace…glad you are feeling some peace too.
And I think we’ll just stop right here for the day.

Post to Twitter Post to Facebook Post to StumbleUpon

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Donna April 30, 2010 at 7:17 am

Enjoyed that. You always give me so much to laugh and smile about. Thanks Sue.


Jen April 30, 2010 at 7:58 am

Cute post. And you do ROCK!

BTW: My Five Days of Giveaways ends today!


ShrinkingGirl April 30, 2010 at 8:04 am

Welll, now that I've laughed out loud in a deserted classroom whilst the other teachers just arriving to work have peered in curiously I think I'm done freaking people out for the day. Thank you for starting my day off the right way… you know… full of asshats, assclowns, ladynuts, and vaginal prayer. I'll be sure to think of them all every time I have to say "anus" to a group of 14-15 year olds today. (Some days more often than others, teaching Bio is truly a gift.)


Aylilth April 30, 2010 at 8:09 am

LOL great read before bed!!!


Ryan Sullivan April 30, 2010 at 9:04 am

Number of times the word "ass" was used in this post = 9. Let's see if we can't get into double digits with the next one eh?


Crystal April 30, 2010 at 9:21 am

lol…. just – lol…


Helen April 30, 2010 at 9:40 am

Now I'm a teeny bit afraid to comment.


Rob Dyess April 30, 2010 at 10:35 am

I am with Helen.


Miranda April 30, 2010 at 10:36 am

Asshats, assclowns, anywhoozle, etc…. I really think we need to create a bloggerhood dictionary. Just sayin…

Still rooting for you all the way. I try and be a copycat when it comes to you but sometimes I just flat out suck at life. But I've at least looked into C25K and the other night I got so down I thought "I just want to get on the treadmill and walk for hours until my head's clear" – thats a start right?

Keep it up sista!~


Kyle Gershman April 30, 2010 at 1:14 pm

I love this…and not because two of my past comments were referenced…no, not because of closing it out with one of my past comments…no, not at all why I loved this…love you that is!


Katie J April 30, 2010 at 5:58 pm

Thanks for sharing Sue! We love you!


SeattleRunnerGirl April 30, 2010 at 6:43 pm

Wow, to have been featured in the Hall of Fame…or is it Shame? Anyways, thanks for the laugh!


JourneyBeyondSurvival April 30, 2010 at 8:19 pm

There are no words.

It only gets worse when I try harder.

You complete…


JourneyBeyondSurvival April 30, 2010 at 8:19 pm



Rita April 30, 2010 at 8:29 pm

That was kind of like Fatass with ADD, love it and great for those of us with really short attention spans


cmoursler April 30, 2010 at 9:23 pm

I'm pretty sure that horny comment was me…and if it wasn't it should have been


Rita May 2, 2010 at 3:45 pm

It just occurred to me that you must get some wicked google hits with a post like that, wow.


Katy May 3, 2010 at 12:56 pm

That's right ladies, I did it in the back of a Jeep. Beep Beep! Hooray for making the list!


MizFit May 3, 2010 at 1:30 pm

This post made me wanna grab my swiss army knife and carve:



Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: