feeling a little slutty

by MrsFatass on April 16, 2010

In talking about my nerves about getting on the elliptical, a gentle reader commented Just make sure there isn’t some dirty, perverted old man behind you, drooling over your derriere.

Ummm, yeah. Everyone? Can I have your attention for a minute so we can discuss something serious?

All these endorphins are making me randy. Who’s with me?

I mean, I realize I’m only finishing my second week of self-imposed Boot Camp at the Best Gym Ever (the passing out of cold wet washcloths makes it so), but something is happening that can only be described as . . . miraculous. See, all of this bouncing and pushing and stretching and sweating? Well, it flipped a switch. While I have admitted to having the sense of humor of a teenage boy at times, I am currently experiencing the libido of one as well.


And I haven’t really found anybody else in on my Roll who has talked about this topic. You know, the topic of being so highly charged after a workout that you walk around doing that public speaking trick of imagining everybody in their underwear even though you aren’t doing any public speaking? Don’t tell me I’m the only one!

You know how on Bugs Bunny, when Elmer Fudd is soooooo hungry? And he looks at Buggs and instead of seeing a rabbit eating a carrot, he sees a ham? Or a steak? Or a pot roast? Well, let’s just say that the amazingly sculpted, sweaty, smiling guy lifting weights in a tank top that was just straining to contain his muscular manliness in front of my elliptical today is probably telling a friend at work about the red-faced breathless chick at the gym who was looking at him like he was a piece of meat. Maybe he even feels a little objectified. Violated. Something. But man, I couldn’t help myself.

Anyhow, I did manage to get on the elliptical, but not without incident of course. The first time I tried it out I swallowed my nerves, walked to the platform, and I don’t know if this picture does the whole situation justice but if you look closely you’ll see that Every Fricking Treamill Is Occupied, and Every Fricking Elliptical is EMPTY. Spotlight on MrsFatass.

I chose one and got on, busied myself with my iPod for a minute, looked the machine over, and hit start.

Nothing happened.

Hit start again. Nothing. Started pressing buttons all willy nilly. Nothing nothing nothing. Nothing except a FULL ROW OF TREADMILLERS BEHIND ME sending each other knowing looks about the booby fatass on the front row.

I changed machines and tried again. Still nothing. And just when I’m about to burst into embarrassed tears? My eyes catch the itty bitty print (yeah – I don’t work out in my glasses) that says I have to start moving my feet to start the machine. Motherfuck. How many people snickered at me changing machines?

Well, I did 20 minutes on Total Body Beginner level. And aside from some tingling and numbness in my feet and toes, I loved it. I have since done 20 minutes to warm up before C25K, and done 20 minutes to warm up before yoga.

Speaking of C25K, let’s talk about that whore known as Week Four. I made 3 attempts at doing week four, each time allowing myself some amendments, mostly by just adding time to the recovery periods and each time by breaking up the last 5 minute interval into 2 shorter ones.

Then, yesterday, some of you may have noticed a tweet from me that said I Did It. Well, on my fourth attempt at week four I did the run As Written. Exactly As Written. I did it. It wasn’t pretty and I thought I was going to die by the end. But, surprise surprise I didn’t die and actually had enough wits about me to tweet out that I Did It.

So, another week in my Discomfort Zone is drawing to a close. And I can see from many of the comments you all are leaving here that we’re doing this together. Let’s all agree that this weekend will NOT be one of those weekends where good habits go to die, okay? Okay. Have a great weekend. See you Monday.

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{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }

Donna April 16, 2010 at 10:35 am

I promise I did not snicker at the idea of you changing machines. Honest. It was more like a chortle. 😉 Keep goin', Hotass – you're inspiring me.


katdoesdiets April 16, 2010 at 10:49 am

Agreed! This will be a great weekend!


Em April 16, 2010 at 10:49 am

I can totally see your confusion with the ellipticals if you've been working on the treadmill for a while. But it was still pretty funny.

Thanks for the giggle!

(Yes, when I work out like a mad woman the libido sky rockets . . . If only I had the energy!)


Missa April 16, 2010 at 10:50 am

🙂 Hey sassybritches. We know you just moonlighted on all the ellipticals so everyone on the treadmill row could get a good view of your backside!!!

Kudos on your progress on C25K. I am still in week 2 land…



TJ April 16, 2010 at 10:54 am

You are just the only blogger to admit the teenage boy that has come out from exercise…but you are not alone! lol 🙂

I hate that they put the machines in rows like that- I think you are brave for getting on that elliptical when I too would be thinking everyone was looking at my butt. Oh and 20 min!!! I could NEVER do 20 on those things! WTG! 🙂


Lynda with a Y April 16, 2010 at 10:55 am

You are too funny! I was caught openly staring at a fine specimen at the gym…at first I looked away, embarrassed. But then, I looked back at him. To heck with it, he was HOT!


Jams April 16, 2010 at 10:57 am

Thanks for the laughs! And thanks for visiting my blog and adding me to your blog roll. Your comments helped me greatly and I look forward to many more in the future. You make me laugh and I like that.

Way to go on the elliptical and on finishing week 4 of the C25K! You're doing great!


Helen April 16, 2010 at 10:58 am

Believe me, we've all been a gymnewby at one time or another. If I had been there on a treadmill, I would have laughed, and then showed you how to make it go. Thanks for the giggle.


Rachael April 16, 2010 at 11:29 am

the thing about C25K…you always feel like it's TOO hard and you CAN'T do it (ie looking towards the next day or the next week). But SOMEHOW…it just happens and you're running 5, 8, 10, 20, 25, THIRTY (that's where I'm at!!!!) minutes in a row.

You CAN do it 🙂


Nikki April 16, 2010 at 11:58 am

A picture of the yummy guy you were describing would have been nice 🙂
About c25k, I am saying Month 1 instead of week 1 lol


Katy April 16, 2010 at 12:04 pm

I totally feel my libido increasing as well… I lightly touched on it here


But judging on the lack of real responses I got… I'm not so sure anyone else agreed or wanted to talk about it, lol!

My husband and I "did it" in the back of the jeep a couple weeks ago and it was awesome. (Yeah, I just went there.) Totally made me feel like a teenager. I'm happy about it too! Who doesn't want a fun sex life? Also, just the fact that I have enough energy to crawl in the back of the truck and make sweet love speaks volumes about how working out and losing weight has changed my life.

You're not alone sister!


cmoursler April 16, 2010 at 12:42 pm

ah shoot, I didn't even think to tell you that. I have seen I don't know how many people pop up next to me and do tht…You aren't alone…and if they were snickering just know it's because they did it too one time.
Great job..my elliptical looksl ikeits at the far end of the picture. Great job.


Quix April 16, 2010 at 12:45 pm

Didn't really find the libido thing, sure I am more comfortable with myself nekkid and feel sexier – but I've got a far way to go to reach teenage boy status. 🙂 And I'm sure no one even noticed, and if they did, screw em. At my gym I've seen EVERYTHING so it takes a lot to snap me out of my treadmill pounding and take notice.


Anonymous April 16, 2010 at 12:46 pm

You are hysterical, I can just see myself in the same position. Keep going. Great job.



Alison April 16, 2010 at 1:42 pm

LOL depending on the workout I'm either ready to rip off mine and the other half's clothes or fall into bed and smack him if he thinks about touching me :p

Way to go on Week Four, you did it, who cares that it took a bit longer YOU DID IT! and it honestly probably took longer because you are pushing yourself so hard not just doing c25k but all the other stuff as well so your body isn't as rested, you are working hard and deserve a pat on the back or a really nice back rub by the trophy husband that leads to other activities :p


Ryan Sullivan April 16, 2010 at 2:04 pm

First, you're not alone.

Especially when both participants are involved in some sort of fitness routine. LOOK OUT!

Second, the whole time I was reading the elliptical portion of the post I kept thinking "Oh you poor thing, just start going, it will turn on."

P.S. It was a flashback to when I lost the elliptical virginity. I did the same thing! I just realized I haven't been back on one since either. Weird.


JourneyBeyondSurvival April 16, 2010 at 2:36 pm

This has been driving me crazy all day. I know, I was already there, but anyway I just couldn't tick out a fit comment on my iphone.

Um, YES. That happens. Every single time. It's really really fun. 🙂 Even if only one person in a relationship is working out. It energizes the other.

So yeah, you reminded me of the first time I couldn't get a treadmill going at the gym and it wasn't turned on down by the floor in the front. Psh. The worst though was when I was pumping gas, and I didn't know you had to flick up the little lever to start the gas. No I wasn't 16. I was more like 25. HA.

18 year old at the desk thought I was so stupid…


The Phat Nanny April 16, 2010 at 2:39 pm

I won't lie…half the reason I can convince myself to spend 15 hours doing bootcamp and water aerobics? One word: SPEEDOS. And not the gross old man kind…I'm talkin about the fit college boys swimteam kind…MMmmm


Erin April 16, 2010 at 2:52 pm

If any one blogger wrote a post about libido, I'd expect it to come from you first. Oh, and I totally check out guys at the gym…it's motivating! hehehe…


ARJules April 16, 2010 at 3:39 pm

I did not laugh at the changing elliptical machines. Nope. Not one little peep. Okay… maybe one little peep. Or big peep. Okay!! I laughed out loud…. REALLY loud. *AHEM*

And libido?? Well, at least I have a BOB. That's all I'm sayin'. 😉


Tami April 16, 2010 at 3:49 pm

Well you broke the silence on this one! Now there will a lot more bloggers admitting that this is one of the best benefits of exercise!


Lucas April 16, 2010 at 3:56 pm

Oh my darling Fatass! Boring $hit first, my toes go numb on the eliptical too. It's just a cruddy effect of that machine but keep it up, sounds like you are doing some good work! Those snickering treadmillers can SUCK IT!

As for your inital point, I'm TOTALLY with you! I'll just go ahead and say it, working out makes me horny! Sorry mom, but it does! There's also something rather remarkable about reaching your 40's. I know you are much younger but it turns out that whole "women don't peak until their 40's" thing is actually SPOT ON!!!!! That's why I'm currently on the prowl for an 18 year old boy who can keep up with me!!!

KEEP ON SWEATING! Only good can come of it!!!!! 🙂


justjuliebean April 16, 2010 at 4:08 pm

I totally look at guys with muscley shoulders at the gym, wearing their wife-beaters. I also think I'm more aggressive these days, I wonder if some kinds of exercise bring out the testosterone? I can tell if I'm overexercising, as my sex drive fizzles.


Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit April 16, 2010 at 4:48 pm

Good lord, I'll never feel safe exercising in my silk workout thong again.


Amber April 16, 2010 at 6:54 pm

I've done that same thing on the exercise machines. It was so embarassing but I got over it.


Laurie April 16, 2010 at 7:19 pm

20 minutes is amazing! When I first started on that machine I would sweat out of my eyelashes. Go girl!


sarah April 16, 2010 at 8:18 pm

If my fatass can get on that thing and not worry someone is staring at it (and believe me, I have a big old ghetto booty) you can, too. And I'm not laughing. You did good, girl!! Woohoo!! I lasted 10 minutes the first time I got on there. Woot!!


Merri April 16, 2010 at 8:18 pm

OMG its just what I just said in my last comment! Wow we must be on a psychic connection! And I'm glad its not just me. Working out makes me want sex. Lol. Ive actually read articles about women having orgasms while working out. I havent gone that far. I would feel super embarrased if that happened, even if no one knew. I think its called something like a gymgasm or some dumb name. but ya, id prob be pretty easy if anyone from the gym ever asked me out. Lol. No one does, since no one ever does. But this whole gym getting ur libido up thing makes it kinda hard to work out sometimes..kinda uncomfortable. At least youre married and can run home to your hubby! I need a fb.. So I don’t accidentally creep someone out staring. lol
Your gym is so the opposite of mine. All of the elipticals are always full. Treadmills are what people use when they cant get on an eliptical. I never use treadmills cuz theyre too hard for me. Elipticals are def the cardio of choice in SF.


Mishe@EatingJourney April 16, 2010 at 8:54 pm

your poor husband.

and yes…I know what you're saying. This..actually might get my ass back to the gym. I need a little 'eye candy' in my life.


Kyle Gershman April 16, 2010 at 10:53 pm

Where is the sign-up sheet for being objectified at the gym? I'd go for that.


Julie, The Accidental Fat Chick April 16, 2010 at 11:53 pm

My first day at the gym I did the exact same thing! Finally one of the trainers happened to be walking by & he helped me out (as my face turned bright red of course). There are still circuit machines there that I've never touched because I fear the embarrassment of "doing it wrong."


cmoursler April 17, 2010 at 12:58 am

oh, and i am a ton hornier than I used to be…
just sayin.


Jennifer Brindley April 17, 2010 at 2:21 pm

So, the horniness usually comes for me because of the weight loss. I don't ever remember feeling hot and heavy and ready to go after working out. I usually just felt all sweaty and in need of a shower.

But, that's just me.

BTW: SO proud of you for your working out and all. I can't do it, chica. You rock.



ShrinkingGirl April 17, 2010 at 2:48 pm

Oh maaaan. I would so have died after having changed machines and then realized the error.
Thank you for saving me from a fate worse than death (for me, since you didn't die) when I do manage to try that machine for the first time.


Anonymous April 17, 2010 at 7:42 pm

You are too funny! Thanks for making me laugh. I enjoy your blog and look forward to reading it.


Matt April 17, 2010 at 9:58 pm

Working out at the gym has the same effect on me as well. Of course I also have that feeling when the wind blows, or if the sun is out, or if I'm cleaning the car, or mowing the yard 🙂


brattypants April 18, 2010 at 3:12 pm

You're doing a great job. I had to repeat a few days of Week 4. Yesterday I completed Week 5 day 2. It scared me to death to think about it. When I was running, all i wanted to do was stop. But, I kept telling myself I could do it, and before I knew it, I did!

Good luck!


Kimberley April 18, 2010 at 8:10 pm

My BF just did the same thing at the hotel we stayed at. Got on the darned elliptical and kept pushing the buttons. I laughed a little inside and shouted "start moving that sucker!" Hahahahaaa!

Glad you got it working and way to go on the C25K program!

Good luck with your randiness!


Rob Dyess April 20, 2010 at 3:11 pm

Oh… I've done that. Not only have I done that, but I have done that more than once… on the same machine… you know the old switch.. switch… then switch back because you STILL didn't figure it out.




PhatBFF April 20, 2010 at 5:59 pm

LOL!! I'm a little behind, but I just love your blog so I'm trying to catch up! I can totally relate to the first time on the elliptical at the gym, I too changes machines only to be left looking around to see who was laughing at me!
Oh, and I regularly refer to "Tastey Tuesday" at the YMCA – apparently thats the night when the hotties prefer to show up!! xoxo


seattlerunnergirl April 21, 2010 at 3:35 pm

I will own up to the fact that working out = randy Val. I LOVE it, and so does my husband! lol


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