Ummm, yeah. Everyone? Can I have your attention for a minute so we can discuss something serious?
All these endorphins are making me randy. Who’s with me?
I mean, I realize I’m only finishing my second week of self-imposed Boot Camp at the Best Gym Ever (the passing out of cold wet washcloths makes it so), but something is happening that can only be described as . . . miraculous. See, all of this bouncing and pushing and stretching and sweating? Well, it flipped a switch. While I have admitted to having the sense of humor of a teenage boy at times, I am currently experiencing the libido of one as well.
And I haven’t really found anybody else in on my Roll who has talked about this topic. You know, the topic of being so highly charged after a workout that you walk around doing that public speaking trick of imagining everybody in their underwear even though you aren’t doing any public speaking? Don’t tell me I’m the only one!
You know how on Bugs Bunny, when Elmer Fudd is soooooo hungry? And he looks at Buggs and instead of seeing a rabbit eating a carrot, he sees a ham? Or a steak? Or a pot roast? Well, let’s just say that the amazingly sculpted, sweaty, smiling guy lifting weights in a tank top that was just straining to contain his muscular manliness in front of my elliptical today is probably telling a friend at work about the red-faced breathless chick at the gym who was looking at him like he was a piece of meat. Maybe he even feels a little objectified. Violated. Something. But man, I couldn’t help myself.
Anyhow, I did manage to get on the elliptical, but not without incident of course. The first time I tried it out I swallowed my nerves, walked to the platform, and I don’t know if this picture does the whole situation justice but if you look closely you’ll see that Every Fricking Treamill Is Occupied, and Every Fricking Elliptical is EMPTY. Spotlight on MrsFatass.
I chose one and got on, busied myself with my iPod for a minute, looked the machine over, and hit start.
Hit start again. Nothing. Started pressing buttons all willy nilly. Nothing nothing nothing. Nothing except a FULL ROW OF TREADMILLERS BEHIND ME sending each other knowing looks about the booby fatass on the front row.
I changed machines and tried again. Still nothing. And just when I’m about to burst into embarrassed tears? My eyes catch the itty bitty print (yeah – I don’t work out in my glasses) that says I have to start moving my feet to start the machine. Motherfuck. How many people snickered at me changing machines?
Well, I did 20 minutes on Total Body Beginner level. And aside from some tingling and numbness in my feet and toes, I loved it. I have since done 20 minutes to warm up before C25K, and done 20 minutes to warm up before yoga.
Speaking of C25K, let’s talk about that whore known as Week Four. I made 3 attempts at doing week four, each time allowing myself some amendments, mostly by just adding time to the recovery periods and each time by breaking up the last 5 minute interval into 2 shorter ones.
Then, yesterday, some of you may have noticed a tweet from me that said I Did It. Well, on my fourth attempt at week four I did the run As Written. Exactly As Written. I did it. It wasn’t pretty and I thought I was going to die by the end. But, surprise surprise I didn’t die and actually had enough wits about me to tweet out that I Did It.
So, another week in my Discomfort Zone is drawing to a close. And I can see from many of the comments you all are leaving here that we’re doing this together. Let’s all agree that this weekend will NOT be one of those weekends where good habits go to die, okay? Okay. Have a great weekend. See you Monday.