a letter to myself . . .

by MrsFatass on December 31, 2009

. . . not to be opened until December 31, 2010

Dear Sue Ann,

Since you don’t really believe in making New Year’s Resolutions, I am writing to you from a year ago – December 31, 2009. It’s me. Your inner voice. Your conscience. Your voice of reason. Well, maybe not reason. But the voice in your head. The one that knows all your secrets, and the truth about all the stuff that makes you YOU.

I’m writing either as a participant in a kickass celebration of how far you’ve come in 2010, or as that voice telling you to get your head out of your ass because you’ve wasted another one. We won’t really know for sure until the day comes that you open this and read it to yourself.

I hope to God I’m finding you at your goal weight, because for fuck’s sake why would you want to spend another year of your life trying to lose? You’re a smart cookie. You know what to do to make the number go down, and if you haven’t by this point then it’s just you being stubborn, fighting against that thing that feels so restrictive but could actually set you free.

And the nasty truth is, chica, if you can’t handle the loss phase, then you don’t have a chance at the maintenance, which is the real challenge. I think losing weight is like labor; painful and ugly, and at times you think you’ll never make it out alive. But it’s only temporary. The real hard part is raising the kid, day and day out, loving it even when it yells at you, rolls it’s eyes at you, disobeys you, or looks at you like you are the absolute epitome of all that is uncool.

Maintenance is like parenthood. Only, if you’ve made it that far, then even though you have to work even harder to stay there, you at least have the chance to rock it in a bikini at the beach. Which, I don’t need to remind you, was your goal for the summer, to wear the two-piece that’s stashed away in the drawer under your bed. Was I not supposed to say that out loud? Well, I did. And you do. So, were you able to pull it out and strut your stuff?

Now, I know you made one of those notaresolutions about saying thank you when somebody offers you a compliment. No self deprecating comment, no joke. Just taking it in and saying thanks. And I agree that it’s a good start. But because I’m you, I know that it’s only the first step. And maybe some of the folks who read this rag are on to you, or maybe they aren’t, but I know that your snark is half humor and half fear. Fear that you aren’t good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or worthy enough. That you make the joke before somebody else has a chance to make it at your expense. And I know that sometimes you still think that if you can just get your body back, it will make everything else just fall into place.

It’s a good thing you write with such an honest voice. That honesty gives me faith that when you reach your goal hotass jeans size and realize that you’re still a mess, you’ll actually hang in and keep doing the work you need to do to get to a place of comfort in your skin. I don’t know what I can say or do to make you believe this, but you deserve that. To be comfortable in your skin. Dumbass.

And you also deserve to make yourself a priority from time to time. If you keep setting yourself aside to take care of everybody else first? You just might forget what it is you needed to begin with. To risk sounding like that cosmetics commercial, you’re worth it.

Which brings me to this: I hope you rocked your bio class, finished writing your book, got better at returning phone calls and emails, always told your parents you loved them before hanging up the phone, hugged your family at least a hundred times a day, made a connection with somebody you care about, let somebody make a connection with the real you, not just the one you pretend to be, and for crying out loud I hope you started doing more cardio. Because that’s the key to all of this. More cardio.

Looking forward to catching up with you a year from now.

Sincerely,
You

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{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }

Miz December 31, 2009 at 7:11 am

Lord woman. I say it on a daily basis but you are so frickin talented.

You are nora ephron mixed with erma bombeck with a dash of Sederis tossed in & all the best FUNNY pieces of Degenerous and O'Donnell.

Here's to us both kicking some serious ass in 2010.

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Yum Yucky December 31, 2009 at 7:16 am

aha! this letter-writing thing is so much more betterer that a list of resolutions.

May you kick much ass in 2010, my friend! Kick it real good.

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Shannon December 31, 2009 at 7:57 am

I enjoy reading your blog….Happy New Year!

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Joanna Sutter December 31, 2009 at 9:34 am

Yes, weight loss is hard…but worth it. My advice? Focus on yourself and your goals…but don't over-think it…JUST DO IT!

I'm cheering you on. And on.

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Andrea (ace1028) December 31, 2009 at 10:00 am

What an incredible letter to yourself. Thank you for sharing it w. the rest of us. At the very least it may motivate me to kick my own a$$ into shape, as well. I'm sitting here almost teary-eyed. Eating frozen waffles for breakfast. Probably not the best mix, but I'm trying. Thank YOU.

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Kyle Gershman December 31, 2009 at 10:14 am

Really great…I too am anti-resolution…perhaps it is a cop-out to not set them, e.g. under promise-over deliver. Regardless, I love the letter to your future self.

Then again, I think it is a letter to your present self…you got what it takes to do it all and more.

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TLEstrogen December 31, 2009 at 10:59 am

Wow! This is a great letter! I like this much better than resolutions too. I prefer giving myself "gifts" because most people fail so badly at keeping resolutions.

You are an inspiration to me girly keep it up!

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Cere December 31, 2009 at 11:04 am

Happy New Year! I missed reading your blog during my break, but I'm glad I'm able to read it again!

I like this letter thing, I agree that it's better than resolutions. 🙂

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Marisa (Loser for Life) December 31, 2009 at 11:10 am

That was one great letter! I am cutting and pasting parts for myself! Thanks for the reminder and the much needed kick in the plump derierre 🙂

Happy New Year! It's going to be a great one cuz we're gonna make it that way! No more wishing…we're DOING!!!

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TJ December 31, 2009 at 11:17 am

I love this post! 🙂 2010 will be a GREAT year! Happy New Year my friend! 🙂

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Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit December 31, 2009 at 11:38 am

What a pleasure this will be for you to finally read next year at this time…

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Fat Daddy December 31, 2009 at 11:45 am

I hope you read that letter on Dec. 31, 2010, and just say…YES!!!!!!

That is one heartfelt letter. Great post. You are a talented writer.

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JewliaGoulia December 31, 2009 at 12:56 pm

I think I honestly love you!

I can't wait for you to be rockin your bikini 1 year from today while reading this. . . I just can't wait!

Let's kick our own (and each others) asses in gear for 2010!

🙂

Julia
jewliagoulia.blogspot.com

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seattlerunnergirl December 31, 2009 at 2:15 pm

I am so posting this on my fridge.

"You know what to do to make the number go down, and if you haven’t by this point then it’s just you being stubborn, fighting against that thing that feels so restrictive but could actually set you free."

How did you crawl inside my brain and articulate my struggle SO VERY WELL?!?

You're awesome.

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Christine December 31, 2009 at 3:57 pm

You are total awesomeness. ♥

Happy New Year, Sue.

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MMM December 31, 2009 at 4:24 pm

AWESOME!!! Can't wait to see what your inner self says next year!

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The Phat Nanny December 31, 2009 at 8:10 pm

Why is our "I know what we should do or be" self always so different from our "what we actually do" self? We're good people- why must we struggle so? I don't know. It's a mystery…all wrapped up in a "eat McDonald's " vs. "do cardio" mess. Good luck in your commitment to listen to the angel on your should at least one more year.

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Heather January 1, 2010 at 8:17 pm

"why would you want to spend another year of your life trying to lose?"

amen! i've realized this in the last couple of days. when i hit goal weight, weight watchers is free! why the hell aren't i following the program, spending money, and lolly gagging around with losing this weight!

so i'm all about buckling down and getting this weight off once and for all!

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The Sweet Tooth Obliteration Operation January 1, 2010 at 11:27 pm

That is such an awesome letter, there are so many motivational weight loss quotes in there to refer back to whenever you need a little boost to keep going through the day.

By this time next year you will love yourself in your skin! Wanting to crawl out of your own skin is such a horrible feeling.. YOU CAN DO IT!

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Tania January 2, 2010 at 1:50 am

I love this and think it was an inspired idea to write yourself a letter. And I am right there with you on all your thoughts and fears and making fun of yourself before someone else gets the chance.

I used to be shy and gaining weight caused me to have to be funny, to crack jokes to make up for my weight and I'm actually appreciative of that. But I don't have to lose that or be self deprecating, I can be healthy and still be funny damnit! Anyway, I loved this and I look forward to seeing where 2010 brings us.

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Jenn January 3, 2010 at 7:58 pm

I love this. LOVE it. But you shouldn't keep it sealed until next New Year's – you should print it out in large type and post it to your bathroom mirror. You should read it every day!!!
Thank you for sharing this – you are so honest and fun to read…I believe in you, and I know you can do this!!! 2010 is your year!

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Suburbs of Atlanta January 4, 2010 at 8:43 am

I love how you wrote your post, very creative. Can't wait to see more posts on your progress. Time for yourself is hard but you can do it 🙂

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Kelly January 4, 2010 at 1:39 pm

Great idea. I think I am going to write a letter to myself and open it next year. Hopefully I'll be amazed at how far I've come. 🙂

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Tonyne January 7, 2010 at 5:36 pm

What a fantastic idea! 🙂

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Craig January 8, 2010 at 12:55 am

What a great post! I love your writing style. I'm new here, so can I ask what your book is about? I'm a writing-a-holic too…I have several projects I hope to finish in 2010! 🙂

Good luck on that and all your goals…so glad I found your site! 🙂

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Feed Me I'm Cranky January 8, 2010 at 2:59 am

i loved reading this and look forward to reading more of your blog! glad i found ya through Miz!

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MrsFatss January 9, 2010 at 10:31 am

Woot.

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