The Process of Elimination

by MrsFatass on May 19, 2009

I’m doing a 2-week cleanse. Anybody ever tried one of those?

I’m SO not a Faster, a No Chewing for 21 Days-er, or really even a Cleans-er. But with the slowed results and waning determination, I looked into a cleanse that a fellow Amigo had a lot of success with. And, it wasn’t a bunch of smelly concoctions, weird foods, or totally expensive supplements. I mean, there can be these things – but there is a little bit of wiggle room in determining how smelly and weird you get. Basically, the flush asks you to eliminate certain foods that are common ‘reactors’ in your liver, and you flush it out with lots of wonderful antioxidant-rich replacements. For two weeks.

I picked up the books (The Fat Flush Program) and started reading. It was kind of interesting – the original cleanse was designed for women who were following the old-school high carb/low fat diets and suffering nasty side effects, like horrible PMS, stalled weight loss, mood swings, bad sleep, and low energy. The Flush was one of the original “Good Fats/Bad Fats, Good Carbs/Bad Carbs” plans. Once the women started incorporating healthy fats, remarkably, their side effects started to lessen and they started feeling better, and even losing weight. As they added healthy, whole grain carbs and exercising, the results were even better. So there you go.

The author’s pre-flush steps were exactly the same as Bob Greene’s Six Steps – and the actual flush is very similar to Phase One of The South Beach Diet, minus a few more types of food. It all seemed safe and logical and it included eating. And, the ongoing phases seemed equally logical and doable – I mean, who wants to go through a disciplined cleanse only to put weight back on afterward, right? I was ready to jumpstart things, so I figured I (and, of course, Trophy Husband) would give it a shot.

Now, this program focuses on your liver being the center of metabolism, among other things, so the objective is to cleanse it of sludge and toxins that are causing a belly fat pileup and slow to no weight loss. So, following her pre-plan steps, I ‘cleaned up’ my kitchen, ridding it of the few remaining Lean Cuisines and Fat Free Cheese Sticks, and I filled up the crisper drawers in my fridge with and a few fibrous fruits and a variety of colorful veggies.

Phase One eliminates dairy, wheat, sugar, salt. So, unlike South Beach, the initial phase of the Fat Flush removes things like cottage cheese and peanut butter, and the kids get all the yogurt and the milk while we get lots of dark leafy greens. And there’s no artificial sweetner, so no more Fresca. Of course no alcohol, so I finished off the Fume Blanc in the fridge.

And there is no caffeine. Gulp. So . . . I weaned off of the coffee. Can you believe it?? My morning routine of sipping a hot cup of joe and watching Fox and Friends now starts an hour earlier and involves sweating and no joe. (No joe, but there is Joe. Trophy Husband is involved whether he likes it or not). And I’m not even a bitch without it! Well, not a total bitch anyway.

You’re supposed to go easy on the workouts for the first two weeks, because the only carbs you’re eating are the ones naturally found in the allowed Phase One fruits and veggies, so I reluctantly scaled back the intensity of our workouts – going back to the beginner Slim in 6 DVD, lots of stretching, and now some Windsor Pilates. Made me nervous, and I’m still nervous about the day after I go back to all of the squats and plies. But, I decided to just do what I was told.

And . . . I HAVE LOST FIVE POUNDS! AND FIVE INCHES!

I am very excited.

Well, honestly, at first I was disappointed, because I didn’t think that was enough. Then I snapped out of my Biggest Loser haze, remembering that regular people doing this at home generally don’t post 10 pound weight losses each week, and I also remembered I’ve been at this a while. So, I decided to be excited.

And Trophy Husband? Five pounds, 5.5 inches. He’s pretty happy, too. (Though, admittedly not happy about giving up soda, and tired of all the un-starchy vegetables. But what can you do?)

Now, this is fantastic, but there is a lot about cleansing that is not fabulous. For example, there’s the pooping. (If Oprah can fill up an hour with Dr. Oz talking about poop, then I can talk about it here, right?) Lots of flaxseeds, flax oil, hot lemon water, and fibrous veggies has me in the bathroom more than ever. And it has been interesting to see it change (yes, I’ve looked at my poo). Now it’s the kind of poo Dr. Oz says it should be – the right length, the right curvature, and the right amount of floatation. I find that fascinating.

There’s also a lot of urinating, as you drink many many ounces of cranberry water all day long. And the book says that your skin gets brighter and clearer, and your cellulite can become less pronounced. so I’m also in the bathroom checking myself out all day looking for signs of fewer blemishes and dimples.

I’m not sure about all that yet, but I’ll let you know.

And there’s a whole lot about being told I can’t have something that makes me start to crave it. I don’t really drink a lot of milk or eat a lot of yogurt, but just knowing I can’t right now makes it all the more tempting. But I just keep telling myself that it’s only for two weeks, though. I can do anything for two weeks if it’s going to ramp up my metabolism for some serious weight loss.

There’s also a lot that’s good about cleansing. Like, I don’t know if it’s the elimination of caffeine or the influx of amazing whole foods, but I am sleeping SO WELL. Normally I fall asleep early but wake up several times through the night. But not now! I fall asleep and stay asleep until the dreaded alarm at 5AM. I also have noticed the Afternoon Lull has disappeared – maybe not totally yet, but it has certainly improved. And it is very satisfying to know that my energy level is genuine energy and not just the result of caffeine or sugar.

While five pounds is great, losing the inches is even better. All of the working out I’ve been doing has been great in terms of adding muscle, but when there’s still a layer of fat over all of it, who can tell? Especially in my abs. I’ve been working my core out pretty, er, hardcore for a couple of months now, and am frankly pretty tired of having to poke and prod at my belly to feel the muscles. I’m ready to SEE them.

It’s also been cool to rediscover the taste of so many foods. I mean, I love seasoning with salt and pepper as much as the next wannabe chef. But taking a break from them, and filling my fridge with fresh herbs and whole spices has given my tastebuds a total wakeup call. And, how about the fact that real strawberries taste better than strawberry flavored yogurt. Or that a real, crunchy apple tastes better than apple juice. Now that I’m getting all the aspartame out of my system, I might just leave it out permanently.

So, while I’m totally holding out for some Memorial Day Cookout carbohydrates, and I am pretty certain that I just ‘eliminated’ something I ate back in 1995, I am overall very happy with Week One of the 2-week Fat Flush.

What can you do to clean up your eating?

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Rach May 20, 2009 at 7:47 pm

I used to do a 7 day flush when the metabolism slowed down at 25. It wasn’t too bad. I didn’t lose weight per se but I felt better. Then I had gestational diabetes and the starches, carbs and sugar had to go. I was seriously looking for a carbs anonymous to go to. That was tough but I felt good. I’m pulling out that literature again. I have been feeling so rundown again. I’m trying to feel good again then I think the weight will work itself out.

I run around the Depot so much this time of year that I really get the heart rate going. Plus they bought us a step machine and a bike. The last bit of lunch is taken up with the bike.

Good luck with the cleanse. 🙂

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Mommy2Joe May 21, 2009 at 7:30 am

Rach: Good for you! I think it’s awesome that you’re recognizing that your body is asking you for something that can’t be found in the bottom of a Ben and Jerry’s carton. If you’re running around all day, then of course your body needs good fuel. Keep me posted! Thanks for the comment.

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brenda May 22, 2009 at 12:02 pm

Hey, that is great.. I think of it has always starting and never stoppng, this diet thing.

Not a stalker, it’s Brenda from skirt!

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Mommy2Joe May 22, 2009 at 12:39 pm

Brenda! Hey! Thanks for stopping over! I think you are the first colliding of worlds – the first Skirt friend that has commented over here. Welcome!

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